The random things

you (by you, I mean, me) come up with while your (my) body is experiencing 'one-of-those' delightful night sweats which happen to women-of-a-certain-age (why they have to arrive at 3am is beyond me - so bloody inconsiderate!!). What am I talking about? Who knows :) Nah, I know; the number 8.

Lying there, wondering if I was ever going to cool down (all windows wide open, 2 fans going like the clappers) listening to a couple of cats having a go at each other, it struck me that today would have been your birthday - actually, it still is. Just because you're not here in a physical sense any more, doesn't mean it's not still the anniversary of your birthday, therefore, being your birthday - Happy one you old bag. From that I got thinking about the crazy times we had and then onto different dates (the brain sure does wander in the early hours) and that's how I came to numbers. You died on the 26th - add 2 and 6, you get 8. We first met in 1987 (wait for it; you'll love how I got to 8 from this). Add 1+9+8+7 and you get 34; divde this by 2 (me and you :) ) and you get 17, which if you add the 1 and 7 together, makes 8 (I told you; I had a lot of time to think about it all). You died in March 2012 (here I go) so add 3 (for March) to the year - 3+2+1+2 (you can't add the 0 from 20) and you get? That's right - 8. You were born in the 8th month (I tried really hard to get 8 from your DOB but actually failed on that one :) ). Anyway, by the time I'd finished (there were loads more than this, it's just these are the only ones I can remember now :) I figured when I next do a lottery ticket I need to include the number 8 somewhere; bugger me if I didn't get an email at the crack of dawn telling me the ticket I've been playing online has finished meaning I needed to do a new one; damn right I made it all about you :) 

I found this too; just about sums you up, perfectly. I can't help but feel your energy is eternal, and that somehow, you look down on us - in more-ways-than-one.!!!

I reckon you were watching (and had something to do with) me when I got my finger stuck in the revolving door at your eldest daughters wedding reception on Saturday; I have no doubt you were laughing too, although nowhere near as loud as that son of your way - he has so inherited your humour. My goodness, what an amazing young man he is growing into. I've no idea how living with that cretin of a father and his wife; so much of you must be deeply engrained into him, for he'd never be like it if he was anything like his father. He laughs a lot when I'm around him; I love to hear it. I could almost hear you laughing hard alongside him. I could also imagine your face when you saw how much blood there way, and how you would have reacted had it happened to you - my goodness, you were a wimp with such things :)

How beautiful did she look (your eldest, that is). I thought she looked stunning, although, I found it really weird to look at her as the hair, tan and make-up were  not her at all. I almost didn't recognise her when she got out of the car. She'd have been right at home in one of those glamorous reality TV shows. She smiled the whole day which was lovely to see, even more so with the homage to you at the reception (number 2 struggled with that and they almost fell out again - I've no idea what to do next to get them sorted; I fear things will never be the same be how they should be - how you would want them to be; how you would make them be). You sure did them no long term favours with your passing. As for that granddaughter of yours; oh my, she is way-too-cute for her own good. She would have adored you, and I know you would have worshipped (spoiled!!!) her.

I miss making comments about your age; today I'd have been in my elemant. I have no doubt I would have pointed out that next year you'd be 50, while I'm still only 48. I mentioned that this morning and 'number 1' replied "yeah, but she gets the last laugh now; she'll be forever 42 while you'll just keep getting older". Hmmmmm. She has a point!! She's not my number 1 any more :)

I promise to keep looking out for them, will keep hoping (and wishing) that my lottery numbers come up so I can offer them a home they can call their own, come and go as they please, and where they will know what it's like to be loved; the kind of home you dreamed of giving them. Until those numbers come up I'm just going to keep plugging away at trying to raise the funds for the road trip with them (ooh, I trapped my finger - you know what they say "where there's blame, there's claim"!! hahahahaha). I wish you could be here for your birthday, but as you can't I hope wherever you are, you're being spoiled and showered with the love you deserve. I know how much we all love and miss you.>