An Apology

No, not from me; I'm never going to apologise for the stuff I write, or the things I ask for. The apology in question is from the very person my rant yesterday was about.

I have accepted the apology, appreciate the person coming forward and owning it, and we will move on. Our "friendship" is obviously over, and she has said it was a miscommunication between her and the group of people she was bitching about me too, and I have to accept that as as given. She has also agreed with me, that it is better I swallow what little pride I have left and ask for help, than to let an innocent animal suffer - she said she'd not thought of it that way. At the end of the day that's the only way I could think about it; Animals will always come first. Goodness, if I went out for a day trip I'd get someone to go round and check my cat was ok for me while I was out. 10 hours max she would have been alone, but I could never do that. How people can go for weekends and leave animals alone is beyond me. 

Of course, I am lucky enough to have a car I can sell, but it's going forward I will struggle with and that's why I put it out there, asked for help, and I will never show any shame in doing so. Anyone who thinks less of me for doing what I've done, or who is judging me for it, is not welcome in my life and so anyone else reading this who knows me, may have thought that way about me, please never contact me again. I do not need people like you in my life

Anyway; it's over, it's done with. I did consider removing the post entirely, then remembered it's a part of who I am, and so it shall stay. Maybe as a warning to someone else who might think it's ok to go around town bitching about me :) 

People keep asking "how is your dog?". I've had many emails and some PM's via facebook Right now, if you were to look at her, you would never know there is anything wrong with her (dog's are very clever at hiding symptoms - as I have recently discovered). Every morning, between 4 - 5am she gets very rattley in her breathing, then swallows a few times, before rolling over to begin snoring again. She (obviously) has a lot less energy (lung issues and being 10 will do that to her) but she managed a 15 minute walk yesterday without a single pant. The worst part is that her behaviour gives me hope, real hope that she still will be with us this time next year, however, I am fully aware that just because she is not showing any symptoms, doesn't mean there's not some nasty stuff going on throughout her insides, so while I do hope, really want to hope, I also have to hold back a little bit, for many times in life my hope has been dashed, and I have to prepare myself for bad news when I take her for the CT Scan in 3 weeks time. For now though a big THANK YOU to each and every one of you who has taken the time to wish her (and me) well. I appreciate it more than you could know. You restore my faith in human world - which is no mean feat when you look at some of the things I come into contact with! 

I'm also extremely grateful to my "Mr Nathan" who has been with me throughout all of this. What would I do without you, my friend? Even more so when the person who calls himself my "bestie" hasn't even made contact with me. I knew once he was involved with a new woman he'd take more than a back step, however, I did think with all I have going on with the dog who would have at least sent a message letting me know he's thinking of me. Mind you, saying that, my cat had been dead 3 weeks before I heard from him after we came back from holiday. I guess he's in his own bubble and nobody else matters to him. Hard to take, but that's just who he is. 

The good thing about it all though is that I have stopped taking the "happy pills" (I forgot all about them) and yesterday, for the first time in several years I felt empowered, ready-for-anything, and as though good things are just around the corner. That feeling is still there this morning. I know if it's bad news with the dog those feelings of dread will return, but in this day, in this moment, I feel good. I even had a wonderful dream last night, and that's something which hasn't happened for a long time, so while I know I still have dark days to face, I do feel as though the darkness which had enveloped me for so long, now has speckles of light shining through, and I will take that, embrace it and enjoy it. The old saying about the only way once you hit rock bottom is up, may well have some basis and foundation to it after all.