Thursday, 6 July 2017


I finally got round to smudging the shop last night. Been planning to do it for over a week but either forgot a lighter (back in the day when I smoked my handbag was full of the things) or just forgot in general until I got home, at which point I wasn't going to head back up to do it, telling myself I would remember the next day, which of course, I never did :) Whilst I am proud of me for eventually remembering I needed, I cannot get too carried away at any kind of self-praise, for I forgot that a few months back we fitted smoke detectors throughout. Dear lord they are noisy when they go off - in all 4 rooms!! Thankfully I managed to stop them all before I had truck loads of firemen breaking the door down to get in - eek. Before any of you think about those firemen breaking down the door to get in, please note that they wouldn't/don't do it for me (except maybe Kelly Severide in Chicago Fire - he could possibly get me in the mood!! 😍😍) Now, send in a squaddie in full greens and you'd have a totally different Sarah on your hands 😁. Not that either of them would be able to carry me to safety right now - so much for slimming world getting me back on track; I'm heavier right now than I have ever been - I saw the look the fair boy gave me when I squished myself into the roller coaster on Saturday 😂😂. On the plus side we shot down those dips like a rocket 😂😂

Anyway, the shop has been smudged so should be clear of any negativity (for now, at least). Having said that yesterday was a cracking day, both in terms of happy people in the shop and business - if every day was like yesterday I might actually get paid each month (wouldn't that be a wonderful thing?) 

Back to being a fattie now, who the fireman/squaddies couldn't lift. That is one I do love about a 'selfie'. Even the biggest heffer in the herd can make themselves appear smaller by standing at the right angle when taking a self-photo. For example. Look at the one below ↧↧↧

 Ok, so I'm not size zero model but it doesn't make me look all that large... then look at this one ↧↧↧

Look how many more chins there are in the second one to the first - 3 or 4 more. It's all about the angle. They say "the camera never lies"... ummmm.. 'yes, yes it does' as these 2 images show. Ok, so they have both been taken using filters on snapchat but all that does is smooth the skin (if only my skin was as smooth) adds ears, glasses and eyelashes; the face shape and size stays the same. Admittedly I'm sucking in my cheeks in the top one; even so it still shows the right angle can remove a chin or 4.

So, now for the real thing - I've made it smaller than usual just to make myself feel better 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Not that it hides anything or makes a difference.

As you can see; the top photo proves the camera can lie - the bottom one shows that it doesn't often do so. 😂

I am a complete contradiction of myself really, for I do despise what I have allowed myself to become- especially when I look in the mirror or at photographs like the one above - yet at the same time I understand "why" I have allowed it to happen and find I am happy with who I am (for the most part). I am 2 conflicting parts of the same whole (a very large whole at that 😂😂). I don't blame anyone else for me allowing myself to get this big, it is purely down to me eating the wrong things (not too much though, and that does annoy me when people suggest all fat people do is eat; I eat about a quarter of what my slim friends eat so it's not the 'amount', it's the 'what'). I do not enjoy salad, veggies (unless they're with my roast dinner) or fish (I'll occasionally eat sole if I'm in a restaurant) and that's where I find it hard to stick to being good. I can't force myself to eat something I don't like the taste of - well, I could, but then I'd be ever more miserable than I am now. You'd think being on my feet for 10 hours a day I'd burn some of it off; as you can see from the picture that doesn't happen. I am well aware how being overweight could see me in grave quicker than if I wasn't, although having said that, when I went for my health MOT this time last year the nurse told me my body is "finely tuned" and that I have the inner workings of a 20 year old athlete (she never even cracked a smile when I replied "I know, I ate her 😂😂) so you see it doesn't figure that being overweight makes us less healthy. My blood pressure is always on the low side but was spot on for me; my blood sugar and cholesterol were "perfect". As for those who say fat people are a drain on medical services - my whole medical history from birth until this moment in time, fit on just one computer screen. Aside from the lump I found on my breast earlier this year the only times I have been to the doctors in the past decade is when they've called me in for the routine screening they do - tetanus jab, smear test, middle-aged health check. In the past the only times I've ever visited is with the odd chest infection (one every 4 or 5 years) a broken ankle which I thought they could just strap up for me - I was already on my way to them for a jab so thought I could 'kill-2-birds-with-one-stone" and as a child until the age of 4 I used to suffer really badly with my tonsils; once they were removed (aged 4) all was good. Oh, I had to go about 10 years ago with an infected finger; my own fault. I cut it at work quite badly, ran it under the tap to rinse then rather than pop on savlon or some other antiseptic (which I've never found to work) and being in a hurry, I just stuck my finger into the bottle of dettol I had in the cupboard. Turns out you're meant to dilute it (who knew? 😂😂 - in all my years of using it I'd always used it neat). Because it was quite a bad wound the liquid ended up burning the soft tissue (to the extent the doctor shouted at me, called me a "silly girl" and informed me I'd given myself 2nd degree burns 😂😂). Oddly as an antiseptic it had failed because the burns caused by it then became infected. A course of antibiotics sorted me out ok and since then I've only ever used warm salt water on any kind of wound - stings like shit but seems to work ok. Although, don't use it on your lips!!! I had a (something). At first I thought it was a cold sore, than I thought it was a bite, then I had no clue what it was. All the over-the-counter treatments weren't working because it continued to get bigger so I popped a pin into the centre of it then rubbed salt onto it. Stupid, stupid Sarah. Aside from really stinging, it made this odd fizzle/popping sound, spread halfway across my lip, scabbed over for several weeks (oh how gorgeous I looked then) and has left me with a permanent scar on my lip which means I can no longer get a nice smooth edge with my lip-liner. To this day I still have no clue what it was which cased it.

I know there are some larger people out there who aren't as lucky to be as healthy as I am; I know there are some out there who gorge like wild animals, I also know there are super skinny people as unhealthy. The trouble with our society is we are too quick to judge others. I'm sure people who don't know me, see me walking down the street and make all kinds of assumptions about me which couldn't be further from the truth. Each and every one of us is hiding something within us; sometimes we allow ourselves to become who we are so we don't have to face those secrets and deal with them. We pity the person (men suffer with eating disorders just as much as females) who suffers from Anorexia or Bulimia but are so quick to pass judgement on the fat person as being lazy and a waste of space. The media does nothing to help in these situations either. Next time you see a fat person, don't pass judgement. As yourself "Why?" What has happened to this person to make them allow themselves to get to the stage they are at? No matter what they may say, no fat person is happy as such being fat (they'll tell you they are while knowing that they're lying to themselves as much as to you) yet dealing with the issues that get us to be heffers is such a scary thought it easier to just keep ourselves hidden behind layers of blubber. 

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