I'm starting with

a pretty picture - at least I think it's pretty :)

It's a flower I've not come across before (until last week). I was concerned it wouldn't last very well - it is as delicate as it looks  - but I bought some on Saturday which I have at home, and they are holding up really well. I thought by now the petals would have begun to drop. They weren't cheap by any means, especially for what they are, however, I really like them and will be treating myself to more in the future. I have 10 stems of them in a vase on a chest of drawers in my bedroom right now and they go perfectly with how my room is decorated. Pretty and girly without being frilly; that's the kind of thing I like :)

Talking about decorating -  not that we were, as we were in fact talking about pretty flowers :) - I have been having a play around with Sketch-up this morning. I use a version of it at home on my pc, yet at work I use a little google chromebook (it's 3 years old, has only 1 usb port and is as chunky as a monkey, but it's great for browsing and doing other bits and pieces) for which I can get an online version of the program; it just doesn't work as much, which is quite frustrating when you want to change the wallpaper from their choice, to your own (which you can do on the downloaded version). Still, it's free, so I'm not going to complain too much and it does keep me out of trouble for an hour or to!!  I've been drawing out the caravan my Grandad lives in to see if there are ways to improve the layout - not that I am hoping he will pop his clogs for a long while yet; I'm doing it so that he can make the changes long before I have to move in so that when the time comes I need to move there, I won't have to worry about anything, except cleaning :) See, I'm not as daft as I look!!! A year or so ago I re-designed the house I would buy if my lottery numbers were to come up. It's now been for sale for almost 3 years, the price reduced by over 25% from when it first went on sale (I'd have paid the full asking price if I'd had the money). I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with it for why it hasn't sold yet, but I hold on to the hope that the reason it hasn't is because it's waiting for me to have my big win!! I feel as if we are connected. As yet I've not even been close with my numbers, however, I learned a long time ago that life is a funny thing and anything can happen. It could just as easily be me as it could be anyone else.

Last night I had another bit of a scare - health wise - although not really at the same time. Always a contradiction, I am :) As I went to walk the dog I bent over to pop her collar on her and had this (I'm going to call it a pain but it wasn't at the same time) sharpness shoot from the right to middle at the top of my tummy; at first I believed it to be something caught inside my trouser waist band, however, upon pulling out said band to remove the pin, thorn, needle or whatever else could have caused the pain I saw nothing and realised I'd felt it on the inside, not the outside. The only way to describe it was as if someone had a pin and they were dragging it across the inside of my outer skin as hard and deep as they could go. It was unlike anything I've experienced before. I'm not a paranoid person by any stretch of the imagination but I don't mind admitting it really did concern me. It was still doing it this morning, only when I bend forward slightly, though. Of course, I am aware it's because I am so fat, and while I've been losing weight again over the past couple of weeks, I've not been as good as I should. Today, I'm back to it (again - so many times I've started, and failed) yet I am still not entirely convinced I am following the right plan for me. It's all so confusing. I never felt better than when I went carb-free which I stuck at for 3 months. I slept well, my vision (which at times can be a bit fuzzy where I'm so tired) was as clear as a bell and I was losing weight. However, after 3 months I began to crave a glass of wine, would have killed for just one roast potato and found myself bored of cheese (ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you what a shocking statement that is for me to be bored of cheese - I was most definitely a mouse in a previous life). I've tried them all over the years (I stuck to weight watchers religiously and put on 5 stone while doing so - go figure that!!!). Calorie counting worked to a point and definitely spurred me on with exercise (if I wanted a treat I would make myself work for it) but after a while that became a chore, having to keep check of absolutely everything: weighing, measuring, it takes away the shine after a while. Slimming World, now that one works (or does it?) People I know have had great success with it, I've lost well with it in the past also. I love how it doesn't restrict anything, yet I still find I struggle on it. I don't like a lot of fruit and veg (I'll eat my veg with a roast dinner but other than that it's not food I would choose to eat; I don't enjoy it) and SW is made up of 35% fruit and veg. This is not a bad thing as they are good for you and at the end of the day if I want to lose the weight I have to make sacrifices, however, when you don't like salad or fruit that much it's really hard forcing it down. If I have cereal for breakfast, I also have to make sure I then either have no tea or coffee during the day, or syn my milk; this is frustrating because doing so takes up 6 of the 15 you can have each day. That's not a major issue as I often don't have any others, and will save up 30 over the course of a week for wine on a Saturday night. I also though have to save for my roast on a Sunday as I like a nice bit of pork and crackling; I also add Mango Chutney to my gravy (don't knock it until you have tried it) so pretty much all my syns go in those 2 small food/drink stocks. That means I then have to be super-good the rest of the week, which I should be anyway so I'm not really sure why I'm complaining!! . The other thing I don't really like about SW is the amount of sugar you can end up consuming in a day without realising it. I had a low fat yogurt with my lunch; there were 12 grams of sugar in it. 12, that's TWELVE grams of sugar in one little pot of yogurt, which is free meaning I could eat 6 in a day if I so wished. How is that ever good for me? I wouldn't eat 6 in day, but some people might. So now I have a dilemma about whether eating low fat is really that good for me after all? I either fur up my arteries with fat and die, or end up with diabetes and die; I don't like the thought of either option. I'm going to stick with it, not because I particularly want to, it's a case of having to and for someone like me who doesn't like to keep weighing things or counting them, it is so easy to follow.

I don't regret letting myself get to the size I am right now; I did so for a reason, I just wish it was as easy to lose as it was to put on!!

Well, that just about sums me up right now; I've gone from one thing to another then on to another. My poor little pea-brain is all over the place (I blame lack of sleep and too much sugar!! haha). Aren't the blue flowers pretty??