Blast from the past

Cor blimey, what a trip down memory lane I have taken since I last sat and waffled a load of crap to you all 😀 Some of it good, some of it really good 😀 and a few bits of 'not-so-good' 😀

It all started when I had one of those "people you may know" things flash up on my facebook. The guy who flashed up wasn't someone I was friends with, in fact me and him absolutely despised each other, but his twin brother and I were very close at one point; in fact he's the only male (so far in my life) to actually make me feel wanted and he made me feel really wanted. At that moment in time it was a genuine want too which is something very unusual for me in my life. Ahh the memories 😀  It was 30 years ago but I can still remember Duran Duran were playing in the background, there were drunken people laughing, joking and dancing all over the place and a good time was being had by all. My best friend was so lucky in that her parents went away for at least one weekend every month; sometimes they left her younger brothers behind for her to look after but for the most part they'd take them with them so she had the house to herself. This went on for quite a few years as we were older teens. 

One boy we'd known for a few years, hung out with him often and I think she'd tried dating him once a few years before - nothing had ever come of it for she was deeply in love with his best friend (I think she probably still is, even now). He was at the party and I remember at some point someone decided we should all chow down on some chinese food. What I can't remember is if I volunteered myself or someone else volunteered me - I'm going to say I offered because I probably needed another packet of ciggies. It was dark, it was raining and I was about to set off when the guy in question offered to walk down with me. I thought nothing of it and we had a good chat on the way, laughed with each other while waiting for the food to be cooked and got into one of those 'deep' conversations on the way back where I got to see a much more sensitive side to him than I had seen before. I still never thought anything of it and after eating we all got back to partying - like you do. Sometime later I found myself necking with my cousins mate on the stairs when I heard the front door slam behind us and before I knew what was happening my best friend was pulling me and the guy I was with apart to tell me I needed to go and find the guy I'd been shopping with earlier. I had no clue what was going on, what had happened or why I needed to be the one to go out in the dark and rain to find him but being the person I am I borrowed a coat and headed off out with literally no clue where I was going and I have no clue why I am feeling the need to share this with you all!! Maybe I've spent so long wanting to be wanted remembering how it felt needs to be shared 😀😀

I finally found him around by some garages. I'm not going to tell you what was said between us (some things are personal and it is his feelings I would be sharing, not mine) but let's just say what he said made me feel like nobody had ever made me feel before, or since, and I also believe he is the only guy that has ever been sincere when telling me such a thing. We dated for a while, had a lot of laughs and some pretty good times right up until the moment I went round to his and found him in bed with one of my closest friends (he was the first in a long line of guys she made a move on that I either liked, was dating or was in love with - oh yes, she managed to snare John and even got herself an engagement ring from him; me and him had not seen each other for a long time when she met him but she knew he was "the one" and while it never bothered me her making a move on any of the others, when she snared him I wanted to gouge her eyes out with a fork and then some. I had the last laugh though for I bumped into him one day and he gave me a lift to work, and before I knew what was happening he had left her and me and him were back together again - it didn't last but it was amazing while it was going on). What I wouldn't give for a man to make me feel that way in my life at the moment 😀

Oops; got a bit off track then - how unusual for me 😀😀 although that was pretty much the end of the story really. Me and him (the one I was talking about, not John) stayed friends after and we all continued to hang out for a few years before eventually drifting apart. I've not seen him since a friends wedding in 1988. He moved away and broke contact with all of us down here. I have no idea how someone could be so into me as he was (and as I've said of all the men there have been in my life he was the only one who had appeared to be genuine - not just when he was talking to me but when he was talking about me to his friends as well, apparently) yet there was obviously something lacking for him to cheat on me, although that seems to be 'the norm' when it comes to me and men. I have never had a single boyfriend who stayed faithful to me (I must be a pretty awful girlfriend 😀😀😀).  Every single one has cheated and oddly a few weeks/months after cheating every single one has come running back, tail's between their legs begging me to give them another go. It would appear the grass is not any greener. 

These days I don't believe in going back (per se) for the past is over and done with; life is all about the future with things we've learned from the past helping us to shape what lays ahead, but that doesn't mean a trip down memory lane once in a while is a bad thing. If it makes us smile then that can never be bad and if it makes us sad then so-be-it. Sad memories are just as much a part of who we are in this life now as the happy ones. Each and every moment in time has shaped us, taught us and created the person we are right here, right now. What we do with today will help shape us tomorrow.