Video Blog

I'm toying with the idea and seriously considering seeing if I could set up some kind of video blog. It's something I've looked into before for work but I'm just not sure I'm ready to face the world in such a prominent way. You have to be a pretty confident person (slim, young and pretty helps too!!) if you're going to put yourself out there. The only times I've ever featured in videos that have been posted online have been when friends have filmed me falling flat on my butt, or falling off a wall - that one was last August and has been viewed way too many times for my liking! I don't mind those being shared - I'm not that proud - but when it's for something as important as asking for help to achieve a dream, it has to be just right. I did read somewhere that vlogging (video blogging apparently) is more likely to get you what you want than just writing alone will as it means people can put a face to a name. This makes sense I guess as more people tend to watch things than read these days but if I get it wrong on a written page I can hit erase halfway through and start again from where I stopped; if I mess up in a video blog I'd have to start right back at the beginning again and if you were to see how many mistakes I make when I write one of these entries you'd understand how it could take me several days to get just one 5 minute video right! I'm also not sure how I could find the time to sit down in one session to do such a thing. I'm still considering it though. The more of me and my fund raising pages there are out there, the more chance I have of the right people seeing it and making a donation. I did say I wasn't going to let my pride hold me back from anything. Maybe when I've lost a couple of my chins I'll pluck up the courage. I'm not photogenic on a good day at the best of times.

I started back on slimming world at the weekend. I've done it a couple of times, lose loads of weight then go to dinner at a friends house and seem to stop again going back to my bad habits. It's crazy really though for I eat 3 times as much when I'm following the plan than I do when I'm not. I don't get how I lose weight eating more, but it works so I try not to question the logic too much. The only thing I don't really like about it is how it's very carb orientated - I try to keep my carbs low if I can - yet, as I've said it works so I shouldn't knock it.  I think the biggest downside to it though is the costs. Proper food (fruits, veggies, fat free meats) cost me almost double what a bag of crisps and piece of cheese cost. That's my problem though. I am a grazer. I don't like eating fruit. I get no enjoyment from an apple or banana at all, they are just a means to an end to me. I don't like the texture and I have really sensitive teeth which is exacerbated when I eat fruit so it's easier for me to reach for a bag of crisps. I use the excuse I don't have time to cook from scratch so it's easier to buy a ready meal or bag of frozen chips which get shoved in the oven. These are bad for me, so very bad. The truth really is that I don't like cooking - except my Sunday roast, I do enjoy getting in the kitchen to cook that. Again buying all the ingredients to make a proper meal is so much more expensive than grabbing a frozen ready meal. Whatever kind of world are we living in when eating healthy and looking after ourselves is dearer than filling ourselves with high sugar, empty calorie foods? This time though it will be different for a friend has bought me a fruit juicer (I've had the most delicious drink today where I thoroughly enjoyed my fruit!!). I know I'm not getting the full goodness from the fruit by juicing it but am going to add the pulp to a yogurt so I will still be eating all of it - just in a more enjoyable way :)  I'm also going to make time to cook all my meals from scratch - even if that means I spend a whole day in the kitchen making up my own frozen ones. I'm not a drinker (an occasional bottle of wine on a Saturday night if I don't have to drive the next day) so that won't be an issue. I also have a more set goal now. Before when I've tried it's just been because I want to like the image that stares back at me from a mirror (covering those makes a difference!!). Now though, I will be going to the states with the kids who I am sure (my niece especially) will take lots of photo's. The few I have with me in from when I did my whistle-stop tour aren't too bad but could have been so much better. The one's the kids will take with me in I want to look at and think "woo, what an amazing backdrop that for once I've not ruined". There are many photo's of me in some lovely surroundings all of which are ruined by the fat face and body staring at the camera. I want to make sure when I get to the USA I enjoy, love and am happy about each and every moment. The 4 of us are going to have such an amazing trip. Heck, I'm even going to fit in time for exercise. I spent 6 hours gardening yesterday (digging, cutting, chopping) and have finally opened the packing on a yogalates dvd someone bought me a couple of years ago because I said I'd like to try it. Not sure if I'll like it but I won't know until I try. 

Why have you I told you all of the above nonsense? Because I want you to know just how serious I am about this trip and how much it means to me. I couldn't possibly spend your money and not make any kind of sacrifice myself - not that getting myself thin is really a sacrifice (I would say healthy but actually I had a health check MOT in October last year and was told I have the inner workings of a 20 year old Olympic athlete, my body is that in tune with itself - I just don't have the outer shaping to go with it).