Before I get into it and waffle on, I'd like to wish you a Happy New Year. Yes, I am aware I did so on New Years Day also but you can never be wished well too often :)

I hopped on over to my fund raising page earlier - you can find it HERE :) I wanted to update the amount I've been able to raise offline; it's on the up - but I'll come back to that in a moment.

For now I want to waffle about perspective. How changing our view of something can make a huge difference to how we are perceived and how we also perceive ourselves. I'm back at Slimming World - I really do need to shift these extra (I'd like to say pounds but am going to have to go with stones!!!) for I don't want to look like a heffer in all my road trip photo's :)  I've followed it before, stuck to it before, had something happen, got off it, then given up, with no real idea why I have done so.  I've thought of myself as a failure when I've gone off track and am sure that's why I then give up. This time around I am going to forgive myself if I have a bad day. Something else I'm going to do (change) is my photo inspiration. This is where my perspective change comes into play. I have always in the past found the most hideous photo of myself that I can. I've then put that as my phone/computer screen savers so that it is the one thing I see more of than anything else. It's to remind me how I look, to make me stick to being good, to put my off wanting to be bad. I realised today that doesn't work; it's never going to work. The reason I realised is is because I took a selfie (I know, shocking, to think I would do such a thing :) ) I took it because it's freezing at work today - customers have told me it's warmer outside than it is in. Trying to warm up I zipped my cardigan right to the top of the collar, turned said collar up, then pulled it over my head basically making a hat and scarf out of it. I then took a selfie to pop on my facebook page. Looking at it I saw that for once I didn't look too bad. The treble chin and fat cannot be seen in it, and it struck me that I was looking at how all my photo's could be this time next year. All I need to do is stick to the slimming world plan and it will happen. It also made me realise I should be looking at those kinds of photo's on a daily basis and not the fat shaming ones. Positivity breeds positivity. Looking at negative images I was filling my head with negative images and thoughts. By looking at one I like, that radiates a positive image it should follow suit that I will be more positive about myself and therefore able to achieve that which I desire. This also ties in with my holiday fund raising.

Now I can see some of you are wondering what on earth a selfie can have to do with raising a positive attitude to my fund raising.  Well, the answer is that although I truly believe that someone is going to make the first donation needed to set the ball rolling, and that I will be able to raise all I need, I don't think I have been portraying the right attitude to get people to help. I feel maybe I've come across as needy, begging and whiny, which is not who I am at all. I guess I wanted people to feel sorry for me, believing that would make them want to help me achieve the total I need. I realise now that's not who I am, in fact a needy whiny person is the very thing I am not and would never want to be. I would not help someone like that. The real me is the one who is excited at raising the money, and who wants to let people out there see who I really am which is why I am going to stop asking for help. Instead I'm going to be me, talk about the things I chat about with friends, put the real me out there for you all to see. Yes, I can be vulnerable, but I can also be tough if I need to be. The trip will be an amazing journey of a lifetime but far better than that is the journey I'm on right now, this very minute, the one that is called LIFE. Buckle up people, it's going to get bumpy. I know it's a ride we can take together though, and if at the end of is (or during) you think to yourself  "You know what, this woman is worthy of my crisp new plastic £5 note" then just follow the link and feel free to share :) Don't forget in March we're getting new £1 coins; your old ones donated would be more than appreciated. :) 

There will be blips - I am only human and can't be positive all the time. Yesterday I had a really bad blip when I phoned the vets to get my dog's test results. I rang just before 2pm and the receptionist said "they are back but I can't give them to you, the vet wants to speak with you". She gave me no indication of anything. I spent the next 3.5 hours absolutely shitting myself that she was going to tell me it was the worst news, that my fears were not silly. My bestie popped in literally 2 minutes after I had phoned and did an excellent job of trying to cheer me. That didn't stop me worrying though. When I finally got the call from the vet who told me her tests are clear, the lump is not cancerous, I almost cried with joy. No amount of money could make up for the relief I felt knowing she is going to be ok. 

It was a good day in another way too. Now. I would never condone gambling and aside from the occasional Euromillions ticket purchased (convinced I am going to win the big one) I am not prone to wasting my money on such things. Thankfully it's not something I've ever had a problem with - I know many people who have, people who will keep spending more and more money in the hope of "winning big". I've never been one of those people. If I go to an amusement arcade (very rarely for me to do so)I allow myself a set amount to play with and I never go over that amount. If I happen to win on a fruit machine and the amount goes over my starting amount, I will put the difference in my purse and walk away with it. Yesterday, however, I got an email from a betting account I have (I've had it about 8 years and have put no more than £20 into it in the whole time I've had it - I got it only to do a football bet as I was sure a particular player was going to score a goal and having had a similar feeling before which I didn't bet on (and he did score at odds of 100/1) I decided to give it a try. It was a waste of my money :) ) Anyway they emailed to say there was still £1.68 on the account so I thought having such a good day I'd take a look at some horse races and use it on a horse bet. I picked 5 horses (I don't look at form or odds - a horse could be 11/10 or 100/1 it would make not a jot of difference for I choose them purely on the name I like). I could have done an accumulator but for that to be successful all 5 horses would have had to finish in the top 2 (3 if there are a lot of horses in one race). Instead I did what is called a Lucky 31 (I have no clue how it works if I'm honest). Doing one of those it doesn't matter if one of your horses fails to finish; you can still win. Did I have a win? Yes, yes I did. One of mine failed to finish (had it done so in the top 3 I would have walked away with over £2000). The others were all placed though (I did them each way) and I ended up winning £51.23, plus my original stake, so I had a total of £52.91. What did I do with the money? Did I use it all to do the same thing and "win big"? Nope. I banked the £50 (in the holiday fund savings account). The remaining £2.91 I did use to pick another 5 for today. There's a chance today could be the day but if it's not to be I've been able to add £50 to the fund, have lost nothing and life is moving in a great direction :)