Sunday, 22 October 2017

Deflated

Today, I can only assume the hormones are having some fun, because I am feeling completely, utterly and totally deflated. My anger has been replaced by sadness. 

As those you who read my waffling crap regularly know, I have bitten the bullet and started up a Just Giving page to see if someone out there might be kind enough to help with my dog's vet bills. It took a lot for me to do such a thing, for I am sharing it amongst friends, and I am someone who never asks for anything - from people I know. I've no problem asking strangers for help, but my stubborn pride has always stopped me from asking people I know for help. That doesn't mean I've refused it when it has been offered though.

Having swallowed my pride, and shared my begging (which is what it is) on my personal facebook page where I can be judged by friends, family and people I may look up to and admire. I have asked everyone to share it and to ask their friends to share. I am that desperate.

Imagine how I feel when just 3 people have bothered to share. Imagine even more when there are people who will have seen it that still owe me money; people who I have helped out in the past. People have who ordered flowers that they were going to pay me at the end of the month for, to never pay me a penny. People who borrowed from me for one reason or another, who were going to pay back by a certain date, yet never did. People I gave longer to pay me back because I knew they were still struggling, who saw that as me saying "don't worry about it. I don't need it back". I'm not expecting them to make a donation (although when most of them have had more than £40 out of me - a couple over £300 it would be nice if they were to offer up something) but the least they could do is show me a small amount of respect by sharing it. They'll share complete and utter shit about "share this to prove you're my friend" or "if you don't share this I'll know you're not bothered about me" yet they won't share something for me, which could help keep my dog alive. The one's will who put things like "I've had enough" - aye, I also know a lot of attention seekers and vaguebookers. 

Damn right I'm deflated. Damn right I'm pissed off.  I really have allowed some "waste's of spaces" into my life. I've allowed so many people to take advantage of me. In recent months (as you know) I've stopped letting people treat me like I'm worthless; I've stopped allowing people to push me around. I've stopped treading on eggshells around those who don't give a shit if they crush mine - I love how when someone is mean to me and I pull them up on it I'm being 'pathetic' and should appreciate their honesty, but when I return that honesty I am being 'nasty and harsh' am not a good friend, and they will go around slagging me off to anyone who will listen. It really is like being back at school.

I wondered if I was losing so many friends because of who I am. The answer to that is "yes, I am" but not because I've been a shit friend. It's because those who have walked away (are walking away) have been the shit friend and are finally seeing that I'm not going to let them treat me in the way they have done any more. They don't like me and are out there slagging me off as a "bad person" or "shit friend" because I've dared to speak up for myself. Funny how the bully is the first to whine and cry once their victim finally says "Enough". These people have been very clever at letting me believe they have my interests at heart (and I've just been too thick to realise they don't) because the only interests they've ever had, have been their own. Jeez, I've been a weak fool who's allowed myself to be sucked in by these people. 

After this there will now be many more relegated to the "ex-friends" list. 

This past few years really have been a 'learning curve'. For me because I've seen them for who they really are; for them because they've finally lost someone they could push around and use for their own entertainment. I'm sure they will move on, find new 'prey' for manipulators like them will always be very clever at playing the victim, however, for now, it's quite nice to know they've taken a hit. Now, onto the ones who are still there, who have brought about this entry, who have made me feel so deflated. They've wounded me, have hurt me, for now, but they will be the losers in the long run, because they will have to go out and find themselves another toy to play with. Sadly though, it won't take them long, for people like me are always extremely easy to spot. 

In the meantime I just have to hold on to hope that someone, somewhere, will come across the page I've set up, will then share it among their peers and those peers will have kindness in their heart and help me raise what I need, because it appears many people I have in my life and who know, obviously don't give a shit. 

On average, people have over 100 friends on their facebook, so if I share to mine, and they share to theirs, that's potentially 10000 people who can see my begging with just one share. Imagine then if their 100 shared, that's 100000 people, and so it could continue. By the end of the day 1 million people could have seen it. I'm sure in amongst those, there are enough animal lovers, enough kind people, who would be willing to give me a helping hand, to keep my little 'fat bum' alive. If you are one of those, and make a donation, please know that it is very much appreciated. Each hug I give my dog, each sloppy kiss she gives to me, will be because of the kindness of someone else.

If (like me) you don't have any money but still want to help, then please, feel free to share the page far and wide. FB, Google+. Twitter, Tumblr, MySpace (does that still exist?) LinkedIn and any other social media page you may know of. The only viral experiences I've ever had in the past were nasty ones; let's see if my next is an amazing one which helps my dog have many more years of being spoiled. You can find the page to share by CLICKING HERE :) 






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