Tuesday, 15 August 2017

Apologies

Firstly I'd like to start by apologising - no, not because I waffle so much crap you're all bored; I need to apologise for my Perseids post, yesterday. The amount of missing words and spelling mistakes was atrocious, and whilst I know I do it often, it was particularly bad yesterday, even by my standards :) I was, in my defence, extremely tired. What with staying up for the meteors, I've also had my number 1 in hospital, so sleep and I have not really been friends with each other over the past few days. Thank you for asking; yes, she is on the mend and was discharged the same day (they removed a lump the size of an egg and let her out just a few hours later!! What's that all about?.

On the subject of apologies, I had to offer one to my driver today. I was mean to him. In my defence it was warranted to begin with, however, the way I spoke to him was not how I should have done, so when he came back later I said how sorry I was, also explaining why I had been so touchy. As you have probably gathered, I am big enough to admit when I am wrong - too bad some other's aren't!.

You see, what with the not-sleeping, today is also my best friends birthday. The 6th one without her here to celebrate with. I've missed her every year but this year is especially hard because I've been missing her so much in general. I'd have probably taken the afternoon off to go and spend time with her - number 1 would have been included also (which I should think she would have been grateful for, seeing how she is on her own with the little one today (after just having had an op)) so it would have been the 4 of us; or would it? I have no doubt numbers 2 and 3 would have been there too, along with whichever man was the current squeeze in her life (it definitely wouldn't have been the vile piece of shit she married, that much I can promise). We might have gone out for dinner, but most likely we'd have stayed home, ordered a take-away and just spent our time spoiling the little one. She loved being at home. I'd never have considered her for the road trip if she had still been alive; one night away from home and she would get home-sick. I did a couple of over-nighters with her and she was a pain-in-the-arse constantly checking her phone to make sure everything (and everyone) was "ok" at home. I love that she worried about them some much (in one way) not in another, because aside from our jaunt to Belgium (she really did let her hair down then) and the unplanned weekend in Manchester, the rest of the time she just couldn't relax. Maybe  now the younger 2 are older she would have been different (Belgium and Manchester happened before they came along). I'll - sadly - never get to find out. She hated having her photo taken so I don't even really have photo's to remember her by (I think over the hundreds of years we were friends, I have less than a dozen and only 1 with both of us in - which I have no idea where it is; she was always the one behind the camera). It's crazy isn't it? You don't think about these things until after the fact, then you end up thinking about how you should have taken more. Of course, it wasn't always as easy as it is now. These days I'd have loads of us both; back then though, phone's were still in the very early stages of taking a good shot and I didn't have a decent enough camera to warrant carrying one around with me; believe me, I wish I had. Hindsight truly is a wonderful thing! It's sad for the kids as well though, because it means they don't have any photo's of them with their Mum to remember her by. As time goes on and they get older, each memory they have of her will become further and further a distant one to them; a quick look at a photo of her with them could make all the difference to keeping her memory alive. They do have the ones at her wedding, but that's a day we'd all rather forget; plus, the wanker she married is in them all too. 

I've looked everywhere for that "one" photo; I know I used it as my facebook profile photo not long after she died and I would never have deleted it; yet, it's not there. I've been through all the kids photo's too. If only I could remember the password for her fb; I could log in, find it, copy it, and use it. I might scare the shit out of a few people if I did so though, having her suddenly appear in their friends lists again :) As I don't have one of the 2 of us, I've shared one of me taken on the same weekend the one I am looking for was taken (I know when it was, for it was at the 18th birthday party of my number one - my memory isn't good enough for me to remember when photo's are normally taken :) )


I did find some other "old" photo's when I was looking, so all is not lost :) 


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